Dealing with bullying

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" - but they do, bullying hurts!

Someone calling you names, hitting you or taking your things is not just part of everyday school life and you don't have to stand for it.

Advice for Children

What is bullying?

Bullying can be pretty much anything that involves someone who deliberately makes your life difficult - it can be physical, like being pushed, kicked or hit. It can be verbal, like being called names or threatened. It can be being left out of a group of friends.  It can be having your things taken off you or broken.  It can be someone spreading rumours about you - whether they're true or not.

What should I do if I'm being bullied?

• try to stay calm and look as confident as you can
• be firm and clear - look them in the eye and tell them to stop
• get away from the situation as quickly as possible 
• tell an adult what has happened straight away

Who can help me?

• tell a teacher or another adult in your school
• tell your family
• if you are scared to tell a teacher or an adult on your own, ask a friend to go with you
• keep on speaking until someone listens and does something to stop the bullying
• They will listen and support you with whatever action you decide to take. They may have other ideas for dealing with the bullying. It is usually important that a teacher or an adult becomes involved.
• most importantly, don't blame yourself for what has happened and don't keep it a secret
• It is important not to think that if you do what the bully wants they'll leave you alone.  They won't.  If they find they can get you to do something or give them something so easily, next time they'll ask for more and they'll keep asking until you decide to tell someone.

Bullying by text or email

Its not nice when you get a text message or email that you don't know who sent is it?  Sometimes it may have been sent by accident, but sometimes it may be someone trying to frighten you or bully you.  If you get bullying messages by text or email, when necessary, encourage your parents to report incidents to the police.

If you do get a bullying text:

• tell a parent, friend or teacher
• be careful who you give your mobile phone number or e mail address to
• make a note of exactly when a threatening message was sent

What should I do if I see someone being bullied?

• if you see someone being bullied - take action
• do not tolerate bullies in your friendship group
• inform an adult if you do not wish to be involved yourself
• don't watch and do nothing, this may be seen as support for the bully
• the victim needs help from friends
• do not bully anyone yourself

Why do I get bullied?

We are all at risk of being bullied, both adults and children. It does not matter what age people are. Usually, people who are bullied are younger, weaker, or in a group smaller than the bullies' group. A bully may seem to be your friend - but real friends don't put pressure on you or put you down.  One of the key reasons for people being bullies is that no one has told on them before.  If you tell an adult what is going on - you may not only stop yourself being bullied, but also other children who may have been picked on.

Who else can I talk to?

If you find it difficult to talk to anyone at school or at home, ring ChildLine  (external link) freephone on  0800 1111, or write: to Freepost 1111, London N1 0BR. The phone call or letter is free and confidential.

Advice for parents

Its hard not to react when your child tells you they are being bullied, and some parents make the mistake of trying to show the bully what being bullied feels like.  This only makes the parent a bully too.

If your child is being bullied

• calmly listen to what your child is telling you and get more details about what has happened
• make a note of what your child says - who was involved, how often has it happened, where did it happen and what exactly happened
• reassure your child that they have done the right thing to tell you and that if it happens again they should tell a teacher immediately
• make an appointment to see a member of staff at their school
• calmly explain to the teacher what has happened
• give the teacher all of the details you have about the incident
• make a note of what action the school intends to take
• ask if there is anything you can do
• stay in touch with the school to find out if they have taken the appropriate action and let them know if things improve or if the problem continues.

What if I am not satisfied with the schools action?

• If you feel concerns about you child's bullying have not been dealt with appropriately:
• check the school's anti-bullying policy to see if agree procedures have been followed
• discuss your concerns with a senior teacher, parent governor or PTA
• if a meeting with the headteacher doesn't help, write to the Chair of governors explaining your concerns and what you would like to see happen
• contact the Director of your education authority who will ensure the governor responds top your concerns
• If you need further support and information at any stage or the problem remains unresolved, ring the helpline at Parentline plus  on 0808 800 2222 or other local and national support groups.

What if my child is bullying others

All children have been a "bully" at one time or another - but most are small incidents between friends that are soon forgotten and forgiven and the child learns that bullying is wrong - but some children find bullying a habit, one they never grow out of.   Often parents are not aware that their child is involved in bullying. Children sometimes bully others because:

• they don't know it's wrong
• they are copying others
• they haven't learnt other, better ways of mixing with their school friends
• their friends encourage them to bully
• they are going through a difficult time and are acting out aggressive feelings
• and sometimes children bully, because they are being bullied themselves

 

Whatever the reason, its not fair that other children suffer because of it.

How can I stop my child from bullying?

• explain that what he or she is doing is unacceptable and makes other children unhappy
• discourage other members of your family from bullying behaviour or from using aggression or force to get what they want
• show your child how he/she can join in with other children without bullying
• make an appointment to see your child's class teacher or form tutor; explain to the teacher the problems your child is experiencing; discuss with the teacher how you and the school can stop him or her bullying others
• regularly check with your child how things are going at school
• give your child lots of praise and encouragement when he or she is co-operative or kind to other people

As a parent you have an important role to play in helping schools stamp out bullying

• First, discourage your child from using bullying behaviour at home or elsewhere. Show them how to resolve the difficult situations without using violence or aggression.
• Second, ask to see the school's anti-bullying policy. All schools should have an anti-bullying policy. It is a document that sets out how the school deals with incidents of bullying. You have a right to know about this policy, which is for parents as much as staff and pupils.
• Third, watch out for signs that your child is being bullied, or is bullying others. Parents and families are often the first to detect that a problem exists. Don't dismiss it. Contact the school immediately if you are worried.

 

Remember a child can just as easily be bullying a brother or sister as another child in their school.

Text or email bullying

Now most children have access to either mobile phones or computers, bullying by text and email is not uncommon

If your child is experiencing this kind of bullying

• complain to child's teacher
• ensure the child is careful about who they give their mobile phone number or e mail address to
• check exactly when a threatening message was sent
• when necessary, report incidents to the police

Useful organisations that can help

Advisory Centre for Education
1c Aberdeen Studios, 22 Highbury Grove, London N5 2DQ
Tel helpline: 0207 354 8321 (Mon-Fri 2-5pm)
Advice line for parents on all matters concerning schools

Anti Bullying Campaign
185 Tower Bridge Road, London SE1 2UF
Tel: 0207 378 1446 (9.30am-5.00pm)
Advice line for parents and children

Children's Legal centre
Tel: 01206 873 820
(Mon-Fri 10am-12.30pm and 2pm-4.30pm)
Publications and free advice line on legal issues

Kidscape
2 Grosvenor Gardens, London SW1W 0DH
Tel: 0207 730 3300 Fax: 0207 730 7081
Has a wide range of publications for young people, parents and teachers. www.kidscape.org.uk.
Parent helpline on 08451 205 204 available Mon and Tues 10am to 8pm Wed to Fri 10am-4pm

Parentline Plus
520 Highgate Studios, 53-79 Highgate Road, Kentish Town, London NW5 1TL
Tel: 0808 800 2222 (Mon-Fri 9-9, Sat 9.30-5, Sun 10-3)
National helpline for parents

Bully Free Zone,
23 Palace Street,
Bolton.
BL1 2DR
Telephone:01204 454958
Fax:01204 457467
http://www.bullyfreezone.co.uk/ (external link)